Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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