Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
