Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
