so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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