I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
