so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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