She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize