I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Little spoons don't ask big questions
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
