batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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