When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
