Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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