Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
