I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
