I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
