she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
