Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
