my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
