And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
