We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
