he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
