Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
