Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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