party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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