He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
