You're so nebulous sometimes
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
