Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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