i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
