Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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