I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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