i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
