I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
