Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
