its not stalking. its research.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
