I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
