I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
