I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
