my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
