Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
