I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
