Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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