It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
