Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize