I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
