We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
