My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
