Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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