when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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