Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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