Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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