do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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