do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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