Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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