No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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