dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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