He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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