Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
