I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
