haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
