Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
