the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
