I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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