he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
