we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
