I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
