Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As shirtless as possible
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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