So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
