Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
