That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
