How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
