Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
