I could have mohawked her pubes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
