Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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