I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
