people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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