Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
