He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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