You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
