WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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