I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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