went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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