you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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