I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
