genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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