Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
