I think I am morally bankrupt
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
