worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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