I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They took my balls.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
