It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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